A Life Less Ordinary

I read a blog entry just now by a single mom who’s had to face the question of “where’s my dad?” I don’t know recall if my daughters ever asked me the question. I wonder why they never did. But they’ve known all along that they have different fathers. That their dads didn’t want to stay with their mom. And that we are still a family by any standards.

When my daughter was 3 and in pre-school (I had to send them to pre-school 3 hours a day so that I may be able to do housework… and bake cookies), she asked me if we were a happy family. Of course I said “yes, we are a happy family.”

She emphatically said, “No, we’re not.” I asked her why she thinks that. She said it’s because we don’t have a dad (I guess she meant a dad presence in the house). I quickly sat her down and told her that love is what makes our family. The important thing is she is loved by me, her sister, her grandma and grandpa, her aunts and uncle. I told her we all make a happy family. She shook her head and walked away with a sad face, and said again, “We’re not a happy family.”

I was concerned that she picked up the concept of a “happy family” from school. I was upset, naturally, but I understood, too, that not everyone is sensitive to the realities of different family situations and relationships. I just had to be patient with my daughter. But most importantly, I have to be patient with everyone else.

My daughter is very perceptive of the world around her. She asks a lot of questions particularly about life. I learned from early on that what would be best for us and our relationship is honesty and straightforwardness.

As the years passed, she understood more why her dad, nor her sister’s dad, is not with us. At some point I knew that she was convinced that we are a happy family and love made us complete.

One Christmas, when she was 9, she wrote me a love note. It said:

Dear Mama,

Thank you for the gifts. I love you

I know you work so hard for us because you’re the only one who supports our family. It’s just you, me and my sister. I love you very much!

[If you have a message, talk to me.]

It took my breath away.